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Trust is more than just monogamy Trust is knowing someone will come back, not believing they will never leave.

Small children who regularly see their parents going out and returning are more secure than those who aren’t used to being left alone.

I stopped resenting other women or seeing them as competition, because I wasn’t going to lose what I had if he was with them, too.

As a result, I’m much more at ease with other women than I was before, which is a good thing for every aspect of my life, not just my current relationship.8. His wife would know about me (she is just as active in the poly world as he is), and he didn’t think he could be in love with two people at the same time.

Every time someone chooses you, it affirms your relationship – even more so if they have a choice to be with someone else.

If your partner is flirting with someone else but comes home with you, they do so in freedom.

Expectations are everything When I first got involved with Charles, he outlined the small print. With my expectations managed, I didn’t run into brick walls trying to make the relationship something it wasn’t. Friendship, support, great sex, an emotional connection, but not “love.”In my new relationship, the scope of my expectations is wider and deeper, but one thing I know will never happen is living in the same place.

We live in different countries, and neither of us wants to move, so I’ve accepted that.

Charles and I never argued, because nothing ever got to the point where it bred resentment. If, and I really mean when, you or your partner starts feeling attracted to someone else, creating a safe space to talk about it takes away much of the threat.4.

Monogamists shouldn’t rely on their partner for all of these things all of the time either.

Have friends, hobbies and places separate from your relationship and don’t expect one person to be lover, friend, parent, child carer, cheerleader and counselor.6.

It must be, or there wouldn’t be so much infidelity.

Acknowledging this inevitability means my boyfriend and I can deal with it from within our relationship instead of pretending we’ll only ever have eyes (and maybe hands and lips and everything else) for each other.2.

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It came as no surprise to me, either, that I met The One while I was involved with Charles.

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