As happened in my last weekend in Dalston, in which I had to explain to Fuck Buddy A why I needed to go downstairs to the door to explain why Fuck Buddy B couldn’t actually come in.All very embarrassing, and actually very frustrating as I really would have preferred to see Fuck Buddy B that night anyway. I would say that most fuck buddies have a six month period before they start to go a bit bad and you need to put that little yellow ‘reduced to clear’ sticker on them and whack them on the lower fridge shelf. Ok, so in my experience this is usually a pretty straightforward endeavour: I’m not going to write a guide to pulling, I’m going to save that material for the slower winter months, but basically you want to go on a night out with Girl Gang and then make hot sexy eyes at any available man who takes your fancy. You see, as you’re not their girlfriend, they don’t have to hit all the marks, action-wise, every time. The gold standard you’re aiming for, really, is someone with such a massive pride thing (or hugely damaged ego), that they’re going to make it their mission to make you come, every time.You’ll know they’re single because they’re out, in a bar, in Dalston. I once thought that I had hit gold with my I-met-him-in-the-queue-for-the-cloakroom-at-Fabric-closing-time fuck buddy, who ‘rocked this party’, Black-Eyed Peas style, for the first couple of times we ever hooked up. Ok, so this is the golden rule really of fuck buddying.

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