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It’s a good thing that I have a choice over how I spend my time, and that I am lucky enough to have vacation time and good friends and family to plan things with. Then, I just started to feel like it was all pointless. Some kind of fluffy wildflowers along the path were sending seed puffs waving in the wind and flying up into the sun. The words came to my mind, “All we have is Presence,” meaning, the only thing that matters is right now. I’d love to take him on a bunch of weekend trips and a road trip out west. I’ll explain plenty more about him in future posts. Over text messages, I awkwardly informed him that he was a true rebound. On the other hand, I’ve always handled this kind of planning, and I don’t want to interact with the ex any more than I have to.
What’s the point of having fun if families can break up, people get old and die, and everything can go to hell? The weather was just about exactly 80 degrees, with light streaks of clouds and no humidity. Suddenly the pressure to create the perfect experiences when Tim and I are together lightened, and I realized that the elegance of every little moment matters so much more. My experience on this walk made me want to just hang out with Tim, just let go of any idea that I need to be ultra-fun. I would love to read comments – have you had any good single mama adventures with your kids? Single mom, parents need care, and I’m still trying to achieve in my career, make a contribution to this world, and parent my pre-teen single. All you need to know for the purpose of this tale is, we first met when we randomly ran into each other twice in two weeks, and then we had one great date. On one fateful Friday, I knew I wanted to see Wild Animal Man again, so I texted to ask him for just that. I hastily decided to just call his dad and fill him in.
When he gets up to go to the bathroom I decide to risk asking him about his politics when he returns. All I can think about is how people in earshot must be so annoyed to have to listen to our attempt to connect. This was before I’d called the Centaur but after I’d met him and got his number. They are so cute together, cracking each other up all day, developing inside jokes and having fun.
As I was leaving the nightmare awkward date, above, I looked to my right and realized The Centaur had been sitting there the whole time, hearing every word. Today, it’s the process of planning vacations that sets me off (I know, I’m pretty lucky if this is the type of thing that gets me upset). Tim has his two middle-school aged cousins in town this week, and life is good.
Back at his apartment, there was just enough red wine and good lighting. He played guitar; he sang songs I didn’t know, too, with gusto.
I hopped out, full of adrenaline and blissed out and started dancing.
I don’t need an overgrown child hanging around, thank you! I got excited, it seems we had something in common! But, as I pressed, I realized he was avoiding answering my questions about it his family life. This dude had NO business talking to me until he sorted this stuff out with his wife. Wishing you better dates, Molly Undercover Nicknames, that is. He is very tall, with broad shoulders and sinewy limbs. When we are not together, we don’t talk or text much (I have my friends for that! Just the present moment, which is, for me and for now, perfect. The afternoon of the planned date, he texted to say that he really felt like flying in his meticulously restored vintage plane, and would I like to join? I trusted he’d keep us alive, and if we did crash and die, at least I’d be having an amazing time with a hot guy in the process. I called just before we were to meet, to ask if there were any clothing requirements for flying. As he nerded out over the aged Cessna, I could sense his relationship with it.
In between dates, we have been practically strangers to each other. If we can’t talk intelligently about what’s going on in the world, forget it. I also have weeks of vacation saved up at work, and only need to make a plan in order to be on the road somewhere. But for some reason, I am having a terrible time committing to any particular plan for weekend trips or longer vacations. On the surface, it’s just indecision, but if I sit with my feelings a little bit I realize I’m feeling alone. As it turned out, the landing was one of the most graceful things I’ve experienced. Dancing together, goofing off with his friends and loving the music. He decided he wanted to try landing on grass, and warned that it could feel bumpy but would be fine.Also, his name might seem like an insult, but I mean it in the very best of ways! My voice on the phone was fake polite, anxious, and over-compensating, with an edge of passive-aggressive anger. I filled in the ex about the plan I’d made, and asked what he’d been hoping to do with Tim for a birthday celebration.He asked if he could take Tim for a birthday dinner on his actual birthday.